Is It Just a Phase? When to Consider Seeing a Couples Sex Therapist in Scottsdale, AZ
Spoiler alert: if you’re Googling this, it might not just be a phase.
We’ve all heard it before—“It’s just a phase.” The dry spells, the awkward moments in bed, the mismatched libidos, the “We’re just too busy for sex” storyline. But at what point do you stop chalking it up to stress or scheduling and start wondering if it’s time for some outside help?
If you're in a relationship that feels more like roommates who high-five occasionally, this blog about couples sex therapy is for you.
The Phase That Never Ends (Cue the Music)
Every relationship goes through phases—honeymoon bliss, career chaos, baby tornadoes, and Netflix-induced numbness. These are normal. But sometimes, those “phases” overstay their welcome. You know the kind:
When you’ve started calling your vibrator “Babe.”
When “We should have sex this weekend” has been said... for six months straight.
When emotional intimacy feels like a relic of the past, like landlines or Blockbuster.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. But if you’re feeling more sexually disconnected than you’d like (and it’s been a hot minute since things were, well, hot), it might be time to chat with a couples sex therapist.
So, When Should You Consider Sex Therapy for Couples?
Here are some signs that seeing a couples sex therapist might be more helpful than another self-help book or “spicy” Instagram reel:
Sex feels stressful or non-existent. If intimacy has gone from occasional to obsolete, or is consistently filled with pressure or anxiety, something deeper may be going on.
Mismatched libidos are a recurring battle. You want it twice a week, your partner wants it twice a year, and talking about it feels like stepping on a landmine.
There’s lingering resentment. Maybe one partner feels rejected. Maybe the other feels pressured. These feelings build over time and can create emotional distance that spills into the bedroom.
Performance anxiety, shame, or trauma are in the mix. Whether it’s personal history or relationship stress, unresolved emotions can block connection and pleasure.
You want more than just maintenance sex. You want sex that feels connected, exciting, and maybe even a little playful again. (Yes, it’s possible—no, it’s not just in the movies.)
Why Talking About Sex Feels So Dang Hard
You finally try to bring it up: “Hey… so, I’ve been thinking about our sex life.”
Cue the eye roll, the long pause, or the instant defensiveness. Maybe you shut down. Maybe your partner shuts down. Perhaps you both suddenly remember a dishwasher that urgently needs unloading.
This is where Emotionally Focused Couples Sex Therapy (EFT) at the Connection Couch comes in.
At the heart of EFT is the idea that underneath every frustrating sexual conversation is usually a deeper emotional cycle. One partner might say, “I feel rejected,” while the other hears, “I’m failing.” Boom—disconnection. Over time, these patterns become the real issue, not the mismatched libidos or awkward experiences, but the emotional landmines hiding underneath.
EFT helps couples recognize these patterns, slow them down, and get to the underlying feelings. Instead of fighting against each other, you learn to fight for your connection. It helps create emotional safety, which just so happens to be one of the sexiest ingredients for a fulfilling sex life.
In EFT-based sex therapy, we:
Identify the negative emotional cycles keeping you stuck.
Build empathy, vulnerability, and emotional safety.
Shift the conversation from “What’s wrong with us?” to “What do we need to feel connected and desired?”
Spoiler: When partners feel safe and emotionally attuned, the physical connection often becomes much easier (and more fun).
So What Does Great Sex in Long-Term Relationships Look Like?
Contrary to what TV, Instagram, or your overly confident friend Chad might say, great sex in long-term relationships isn’t about lingerie, threesomes, or constantly inventing new positions. (Unless you’re into that—go off.)
According to sex educator and researcher Emily Nagoski in Come Together, couples who have consistently great sex share three key traits:
They trust and admire each other. Emotional safety is sexy. Feeling respected, cherished, and emotionally connected makes it easier to let go and enjoy intimacy.
They do what works for them, not what society says they should do. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex. These couples explore and embrace what actually feels good and connecting for them, without trying to live up to anyone else’s highlight reel.
They prioritize it. Yep, sexy people put it on the calendar. Not because it’s forced, but because they value it. They make time for connection, even when life gets busy, and understand that intimacy takes intention.
Online Sex Therapy for Couples: Pajamas Welcome
Let’s be honest… driving across town and finding a babysitter just to have a vulnerable convo about sex? That’s a big ask.
Good news: online couples sex therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy, and in some cases, even more so. You can meet from the comfort of your own home, wear your cozy socks, and skip the awkward waiting room shuffle.
Research has shown that online therapy supports the same emotional breakthroughs, behavioral shifts, and connection-building moments as traditional therapy. Plus, being in your own environment can make it easier to open up and practice new skills where they matter most—right at home.
TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read)
If your sex life feels disconnected, stressful, or non-existent, and it’s been that way for a while, it’s probably more than “just a phase.” A couple's sex therapist can help you and your partner rebuild intimacy, understand each other better, and bring pleasure and connection back into your relationship. Online sessions make it easy and effective, even from the comfort of your couch. Don’t wait until things fall apart. Help is available now.
Ready to Get Unstuck? Begin Sex Therapy for Couples in Scottsdale, AZ
Whether you’re local to Scottsdale or prefer the comfort of your couch, The Connection Couch offers both in-person and online couples sex therapy to help you get back to connection, playfulness, and passion. Your sex life deserves more than "just a phase." Let's make it something you both actually look forward to again.
Book a free 15-minute consultation to discuss what’s been coming up in your relationship and whether sex therapy for couples might be the right next step.
Schedule your first couples sex therapy session together and begin exploring the patterns that may be keeping you stuck or disconnected.
Gain practical tools to rebuild trust, improve communication, and strengthen intimacy, whether it’s a rough patch or something deeper.
Extra Services in Scottsdale, AZ & Online
In my work as a sex therapist in Paradise Valley, I support individuals and couples in deepening intimacy, especially when navigating the aftermath of betrayal or infidelity. I also offer gentle, trauma-informed care for those recovering from sexual trauma, creating a space where healing unfolds at a pace that feels safe and empowering.
About the Author: a Couples Sex Therapist in Paradise Valley, Arizona
Holly Nelson, LPC, NCC, EMDR Certified, & AASECT Sex Therapist (in training)
Holly is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the founder of The Connection Couch, a Scottsdale-based practice that helps individuals and couples create sex lives free from shame, anxiety, and pressure. She blends evidence-based therapies, such as EMDR and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, to help people reconnect with their bodies, partners, and pleasure.