Holiday Stress and Your Love Life: Simple Tips from a Sex Therapist (in progress), scottsdale, az
The holiday season is supposed to feel joyful, warm, and full of togetherness. But for many people, it does not always feel that way. Between family events, travel, financial worries, packed schedules, and relationship expectations, the holidays can create a huge amount of stress.
And when your stress goes up, your love life often goes down.
If you’re feeling less connected, less in the mood, or more easily frustrated this time of year, you’re not alone. Holiday stress affects your body, your emotions, and your relationships. As a sex therapist, I see many individuals and couples who notice changes in desire, connection, and communication during this season. None of these changes mean anything is “wrong.” They simply mean your body and brain are reacting to stress.
This blog will walk you through why holiday stress affects your love life and what simple steps you can take to feel closer, calmer, and more connected again. We’ll also explore how individual sex therapy, sexual wellness support, and EMDR can help.
Why Holiday Stress Hurts Your Love Life
When your stress levels rise, your nervous system becomes busy trying to keep you alert and safe. This makes it harder for your body to relax, feel pleasure, or feel open to intimacy.
Here are some reasons the holidays impact your sexual wellness:
1. Your body is tired
Late nights, long drives, busy days, and extra responsibilities leave your body drained. A tired body does not naturally move toward desire.
2. Your mind is overwhelmed
Even small decisions can feel heavy when your brain is juggling too much. When your mind is busy, it’s hard to focus on connection.
3. You may have less privacy
Staying with family, having visitors, or sharing space can make intimate moments feel impossible.
4. Emotions rise
The holidays bring up old memories, family patterns, grief, or unresolved tension. Emotional stress often shows up in the bedroom.
5. Pressure makes desire harder
Many people feel pressure to “be romantic” during the holidays. But pressure and pleasure do not mix.
Understanding these things helps you take the pressure off yourself and your partner. You are human. Stress affects everyone.
Tip #1: Talk About Your Needs Early
Communication is the strongest tool you have during the holidays. Before things get too busy, take time to talk with your partner about:
What drains your energy
What helps you feel calm
What you need more of
What you need less of
How you can support each other
You don’t have to have a perfect conversation. You just have to be honest and gentle. Saying “I’m really stressed, and I want us to stay connected” goes a long way.
Tip #2: Create Small, Easy Moments of Connection
You do not need long or complicated dates to stay close. Small moments add up.
Try simple things like:
Holding hands
Hugging for at least 20 seconds
Drinking hot chocolate or tea together
Watching a short show together
Sending sweet texts during the day
Sitting close while talking
These moments help your body feel safe, settled, and connected, which makes intimacy easier later.
Tip #3: Lower the Pressure Around Sex
One of the biggest holiday mistakes couples make is expecting their sex life to stay “normal” when everything else is not.
Instead of focusing on sex itself, focus on closeness, comfort, and softness.
You can say:
“Let’s take pressure off tonight.”
“Let’s focus on connection instead of a goal.”
“Let’s try a slower pace this month.”
When pressure drops, desire has space to come back naturally.
Tip #4: Support Your Own Sexual Wellness
Your sexual wellness matters—especially when life feels busy.
Here are small ways to support yourself:
Get enough sleep
Drink water
Take time to breathe
Move your body gently
Set boundaries with family
Give yourself quiet time
Journal your feelings
When you care for yourself, your relationship becomes easier and more peaceful.
Tip #5: Reach Out for Help Through Individual Sex Therapy
Sometimes stress builds up so much that it starts to affect your mood, desire, and daily life. This is when individual sex therapy can be incredibly helpful.
In individual sex therapy, you can explore:
Why stress affects your intimacy
How your body reacts to pressure
How past experiences show up in your love life
How to build self-confidence and comfort
How to reconnect with desire
How to improve communication with your partner
A sex therapist gives you tools and support that are gentle, respectful, and grounded in your body’s natural wisdom.
How EMDR Helps You Manage Holiday Stress
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful therapy technique that helps your brain process stress, old memories, and emotional triggers. It helps the body calm down and feel safe again.
During the holidays, EMDR can help you:
Reduce overwhelm
Calm your nervous system
Release old emotional patterns
Feel more in control
Lower the pressure you put on yourself
Reconnect with pleasure and relaxation
Handle family or relationship stress with more ease
EMDR doesn’t erase memories—it helps your brain understand that the stressful moment is over, so it stops reacting as if it’s still happening.
This makes it easier to show up in your relationship with more patience, softness, and connection.
You Deserve Peace and Connection This Holiday Season
The holidays do not have to be a time of disconnection or stress. With gentle communication, simple habits, and support when needed, you can protect your love life and your emotional well-being.
Whether through sexual wellness therapy, individual sex therapy, or EMDR, healing and support are always available. Holly Nelson, a caring sex therapist (in progress), can help you understand your body, your emotions, and your needs—so you can show up in your relationship with more confidence and ease.
Your sexuality deserves to be a source of joy, not stress. Let’s take the first step together.
Whether you’re here in Scottsdale or connecting via online therapy from anywhere in Arizona, The Connection Couch is ready to support you in overcoming negative body image and sexual avoidance. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin and to experience intimacy as something positive and fulfilling, not stressful. Individual sex therapy can be the next step toward that change, helping you rebuild confidence and rediscover pleasure on your terms. Here’s how to get started:
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation. This no-pressure call is an opportunity for you to share a bit about what you’re facing and ask any questions you may have. It’s important that you feel at ease from the very beginning, and this quick chat can help ensure we’re a good fit.
Book your first sex therapy session. Choose a time that works for you at our Scottsdale office, or meet with your therapist online from the comfort of your home. In this private, supportive setting, we’ll start exploring your story and tailoring a plan just for you (remember, it’s at your pace).
Begin your journey to a more confident you. With guidance from me (Holly, your therapist), we’ll work step by step to challenge negative thoughts, practice new techniques (like the ones we discussed), and build up your comfort with intimacy over time. Little by little, you’ll replace shame with self-compassion and avoidance with connection. It might be a journey, but you won’t be walking it alone.
Holly also works with painful sex, erectile difficulties, couples sex and intimacy therapy, EMDR for sexual trauma therapy, and kink-friendly therapy.
About the Author
Holly Nelson, LPC, NCC, EMDR Certified, and AASECT Sex Therapist (in training), has dedicated her career to helping individuals and couples heal from sexual challenges, trauma, and shame. She is the founder of The Connection Couch in Scottsdale, Arizona. Holly believes in a sex positive approach that honors diversity, fosters compassion, and empowers clients to experience authentic intimacy and lasting sexual wellness.
Holly has been featured in major publications such as HuffPost, Stylist’s Strong Women, Well Beings News, and VoyagePhoenix. Through her practice, The Connection Couch, Holly offers compassionate, trauma-informed care that empowers clients to embrace their sexuality with confidence and ease.
Beyond Scottsdale, she also serves Paradise Valley, Phoenix, Tucson, Queen Creek, Gilbert, Salt Lake City, Park City, and Alpine, Utah.