When Desire Disappears: Understanding Low Libido with Sex Therapy for Women in Scottsdale, AZ
Let’s talk about something that happens way more often than people admit: desire disappearing like your favorite sock in the dryer.
If you’re a woman who used to want sex—and now… not so much—you’re not broken, weird, or alone. You’re human. And believe it or not, low libido is one of the most common reasons women come to sex therapy in Scottsdale, AZ. In fact, if libido had a Yelp rating, it would be full of confused 2-star reviews like, “Worked great for a while, then just stopped showing up.”
So, what is going on?
First, You’re Not Broken
Let’s bust a myth right away: desire is not something you either have or you don’t. It’s more like a plant. It needs the right conditions to grow. And guess what? If that plant hasn’t been watered in a while (because of stress, hormones, relationship stuff, exhaustion, or the fact that the dog now sleeps in your bed), it’s going to wilt.
So if you’ve been blaming yourself or wondering “What’s wrong with me?” take a deep breath. Nothing is wrong with you. But there may be something that needs tending.
Libido Is Complicated—And That’s Okay
Sexual desire doesn’t live in just one part of your body. It’s tied to your brain, emotions, past experiences, hormones, and relationship dynamics. That’s a lot of moving parts. And if even one of them is out of sync, your desire can take a back seat.
Some common reasons women experience low libido:
Hormonal shifts (thanks, periods/pregnancy/perimenopause!)
Painful sex or medical conditions
Sexual trauma
Relationship conflicts
Feeling disconnected from your body
Unrealistic expectations from society or porn
Feeling touched-out or overextended (especially moms!)
Sometimes it’s a combination of all of the above. Other times, it’s about sexual desire discrepancy, when you and your partner want sex at different times or with different frequency. That mismatch can lead to frustration or confusion, but it’s more common than you think.
Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire
Let’s pause for a quick sex-ed moment. There are two main types of desire: spontaneous and responsive.
Spontaneous desire is what the movies show: one second you’re chopping vegetables, the next you're thinking “Ooh, let’s do it!”
Responsive desire is more like warming up the engine. You may not feel turned on at first, but with the right conditions—like emotional closeness, physical touch, and time—you start to feel desire build.
Most women, especially in long-term relationships, have responsive desire. But because our culture only talks about spontaneous desire, a lot of women think something is wrong with them when they don't feel turned on right away.
Spoiler alert: you're perfectly normal.
What Can Help?
Low libido doesn’t mean you just have to “deal with it.” And it definitely doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to have sex you’re not into (please don’t do that—it’s not good for you or your relationship).
Here’s where sex therapy in Scottsdale, AZ, comes in.
Working with a sex therapist can help you:
Understand what’s really going on with your desire.
Reconnect with your body and pleasure.
Address relationship dynamics or communication issues.
Heal from sexual shame or trauma.
Navigate sexual desire discrepancy in a compassionate, collaborative way.
Redefine what intimacy looks like for you.
At The Connection Couch in Scottsdale, AZ (or online from the comfort of your couch), I work with women to explore their sexuality, understand their bodies, and get curious, without judgment or pressure.
Sometimes therapy looks like talking. Sometimes it's trying gentle body-based exercises. Sometimes it’s unlearning everything Cosmo told you in the early 2000s. (We’ve all been there.)
Online Sex Therapy Is Just as Effective (and No Pants Required)
Good news for my introverts, busy moms, or pajama-lovers: sex therapy is just as effective online as it is in person. You can get support without commuting, battling traffic, or even putting on real pants. We love that for you.
A Loving Reminder from a Scottsdale Sex Therapist
Your desire didn’t vanish—it just may need a little attention, some healing, or a reset button. And that’s what therapy can help with. There’s no “right” level of libido, and you get to define what a satisfying sex life looks like for you.
You deserve pleasure. You deserve a connection. You deserve to feel like yourself again.
Ready to Get Started with Sex Therapy in Scottsdale, AZ?
If you're ready to explore what’s going on with your desire (and maybe laugh a little along the way), I’d love to help. At The Connection Couch, I offer compassionate, relatable sex therapy for women in Scottsdale, AZ, and online throughout Arizona.
Here’s how to get started with sex therapy in Scottsdale, AZ:
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to chat about what’s been coming up and see if we’re a good fit.
Book your first sex therapy session and begin exploring your relationship with desire, pleasure, and self-connection.
Start feeling more grounded and curious in a space that blends humor, compassion, and real support.
💌 Email: holly@theconnectioncouch.com
🎥 TikTok: @sextherapywithholly
Let’s get that spark back—no pressure, just support.
Other Ways Sex Therapy Can Support You in Scottsdale, AZ
As a sex therapist based in Paradise Valley, I work with clients who feel like their desire has faded or even disappeared entirely. If intimacy feels more like pressure than pleasure, sex therapy offers a space to slow down, reconnect, and explore what might be beneath the surface.
I also support those who are healing from sexual trauma or recovering from a loss of trust in their relationships. Whether you’re trying to reconnect with your body, your partner, or yourself, our work together will honor your pace, your story, and your goals.
About the Author: A Paradise Valley Sex Therapist
Holly Nelson, LPC, NCC, EMDR Certified, & AASECT Sex Therapist (in training), is a licensed professional counselor and sex therapist in Scottsdale, Arizona. She specializes in helping women and couples heal from sexual shame, anxiety, trauma, and disconnection. Through a mix of humor, compassion, and science-backed strategies, she helps clients reconnect with their bodies and their partners. You can find her at The Connection Couch or on TikTok sharing sex ed that your health class never covered.